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Who's looking after the kids?
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Being there for your baby
Sometimes we forget how quickly things can go wrong. A baby can rapidly develop a fever, or choke on food or other small objects. They can wake up frightened, upset or in pain. Babies need to be checked regularly even when they are asleep, and they need to have a responsible adult close by at all times. Even a few minutes can be a long time for a baby who is hungry, frightened or in pain. If they are in serious danger, it may be too long. It is never OK to leave a baby alone – at home or anywhere else – even for a short time. When you can’t be there yourself, you need to be sure that your baby is being cared for by another responsible adult.
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Being there for young children
Young children are curious and love to explore. We all know how quickly they can get into trouble. Leaving them alone at home or in a car, or unsupervised in any situation can lead to disaster. Apart from the safety risks, they can easily get frightened or distressed.
Children who find that they have been left alone can feel terrified and abandoned. They can become anxious and insecure at other times, worrying about being left alone again. To grow up feeling safe and secure, they need to know that there is always someone there to care for them.
In New Zealand, it is against the law to leave children under 14 without making reasonable provision for their care and supervision. What is considered ‘reasonable’ also takes into account the circumstances under which children are left alone and the length of time they are alone. Parents are required to assess all the circumstances and make sure that any child left alone is safe and in no danger.
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Leaving older children
Up to the age of about 14, most children are not sufficiently mature to be left without adult supervision for more than a short time. They’re also not old enough to be left alone on a regular basis. It can be tempting for working parents to leave children alone for an hour or two after school, but at this age there are still too many risks. Older children may seem to be reasonably happy and able to entertain themselves, but they may not be able to cope with an emergency. They are also more likely to get into trouble without adult supervision and guidance.
If you do need to leave an older child alone for a short time, make sure they know where you are and who they can contact if there is a problem. Talk to them about possible emergencies and check that they know what to do. Make sure that they feel confident about being left alone. Ask yourself whether any situation could possibly arise that they might be unable to handle. Making the right decision about this is one of the most serious responsibilities that a parent faces. There is no room for risks or mistakes.
Before you leave an older child at home alone, ask yourself:
- Is my child sufficiently mature and responsible to be left alone at this time?
- Does my child feel happy and confident about being left?
- Is the situation reasonably safe?
- Can my child handle any problems that might arise?
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Leaving an older child in charge
Ask yourself similar questions before deciding whether an older child is ready to care for one who is younger. All young people are different, and so are the situations they have to deal with, so it’s not possible to say exactly when they can cope alone with the care of a younger child. This is a decision that you make, considering the children involved and the circumstances.
You need to take special care if you are relying on anyone under 16 to care for younger children, as many are still not ready for such a responsibility at this age. It is not fair to ask older children who are not mature themselves to be responsible for a young child. You may be expecting more than they can manage.
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Arranging childcare
No parent can be with their children for 24 hours, every day of the year. There will be times when you need to make other arrangements for the care of your child. You might choose to use some form of day-care or after-school care, or make an arrangement with a family member, neighbour or friend.
It’s important that both you and your child are happy with any childcare arrangement that you make. You must feel confident that your child will be safe, well cared for, and given plenty of attention. Any sign that your child is unhappy or reluctant to go to a carer should always be taken seriously. Remember that children do not always have the words to explain when something is wrong.
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Choosing a babysitter
When you are unable to leave your child with a friend or family member, you will need to choose a babysitter. It is not always easy to find someone you trust. The law makes it clear that you should not leave your child with someone who is under 14, and most young people are not mature enough to baby-sit until they are even older.
It is best to choose someone with these qualities:
- They are mature enough to cope with any emergency.
- They are used to being with children.
- You feel safe about them. Trust your instincts. Don’t take on someone if you have any worries about them.
Ask for references, and contact any parents the babysitter has previously worked for. Listen carefully if your child is not happy with a babysitter.
When you go out:
- Leave the babysitter a contact phone number in case of emergency.
- Give clear instructions about the routine that you want followed and any special attention your child might need.
- Tell the babysitter how to handle any problems with your child’s behaviour. Make it clear that hitting is not acceptable.
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Leaving your child with another adult
Most parents leave their children in the care of other adults at some time. Some have a regular arrangement with a friend or family member. Spending time with other adults who love and care for them can help your children develop confidence and security. It helps to increase their knowledge of the world.
Again, you need to feel confident about the care they receive from other adults. Imagine that you are trusting your most precious possession to the care of another person. It is your responsibility to choose that person wisely.
To help make a good choice, ask yourself these questions:
- Do I trust this person to take good care of my child?
- Will my child be happy in the care of this person?
- Is this person used to caring for children of this age?
- Will there be things for my child to do at this place?
- Does this person have any problems – like health problems, other commitments, or abuse of drugs and alcohol – that might get in the way of their giving the care that my child needs?
- Is this a safe place for my child?
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Choosing a crèche, day-care or after-school care
Before you choose the best care for your child, you have a right to visit any place that might be suitable.
If you are looking for a crèche, pre-school, kohanga reo, kindergarten or after-school care, you might like to check out these things:
- You and your child are made to feel welcome and comfortable.
- The children seem to be active and happy.
- There’s a good variety of suitable toys and activities available for the children.
- There are enough staff members to care for the children.
- The staff have appropriate qualifications or experience.
- You and your child are happy with the food that is provided.
- The staff have appropriate qualifications or experience.
- You are satisfied with the arrangements made when a child is injured or unwell.
- The staff have appropriate qualifications or experience.
- The surroundings are attractive, clean and interesting.
- You can afford the fees or whether any financial help is available for paying them.
- The children are protected from abuse and mistreatment. Ask these things:
- Are children ever alone with a single staff member?
- What are the arrangements for toileting, changing clothes, or resting?
- Are staff required to provide references and/or proof that they have no criminal convictions?
- What forms of discipline are used when a child misbehaves?
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Safety away from home
Before you leave your child with anyone, make sure that their place is as safe as possible. Even when you are visiting another home with your child, special care is necessary. Other people may not be used to taking important safety precautions. They may leave matches or lighters lying about, or have medicines, alcohol, or cleaning fluids within reach of small fingers. A flight of steep stairs, a section that is not fenced, a gate left open, or easy access to water, all present huge risks to the young child. Children in these situations must be watched at all times.
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Safety at home
Young children can easily put themselves in dangerous situations because they do not understand the risks involved. Simply telling them not to do something is not enough when their safety is at stake. You also have to make their surroundings as safe as possible, and to be alert to any dangers constantly.
It takes only a few seconds for a child to slip out of an insecure section, to fall into a pool, to run under a car, or to strike a match. Poisons and hazardous chemicals, heaters and stoves, and electricity and medicines are dangers present in almost every home.
For more information and advice about safety in the home you can contact the Plunket Society or the Ministry of Consumer Affairs.
Your local doctor, community health worker or council may also be able to help.
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Taking care of all children
Keeping children safe is everybody’s business.
Leaving a child in an unsafe situation is leaving a child at risk. If you believe that a child is not being properly cared for, or is being left alone, it’s important to take action. If you are able to offer some help to the family, such as occasional babysitting, this may be the best place to start. Families under stress sometimes need help if they are to provide the care their children need.
If you are unable to help, or if the situation is serious, you should contact Child, Youth and Family and share your concerns. We are authorised to investigate and to take appropriate action to help families and protect children.
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Being a parent 
